How To Manipulate a Manipulator in a Relationship

If you are reading this you should probably reconsider your relationship!

Is it really true love which you can’t live without or are you being manipulated? Let’s find out, manipulation is behaviour designed to exploit, control, or otherwise influence others to one’s advantage, an act of exerting psychological control over someone for personal gain. Basically, it is the scientific term for a walking red flag that looks pink to you in specific lighting.

When you want something out of a relationship, the key is to be honest while respecting your partner’s boundaries. However, a manipulator will cross those boundaries and use various tactics to get what they want. These can include unnecessary white lies, rude comments disguised as jokes, guilt-tripping, gaslighting, silent treatment, love-bombing, and emotional blackmail. These signs will mostly be hidden in plain sight so you may not catch on until damage has already been done but it is crucial to recognise them.

To quickly recognise them, you could confide in someone you trust, however I believe the easiest way is to trust your gut feelings. If you are not yourself around your partner, if you feel apologetic and as if your expectations are too high or if you feel at an all time low you need to start manipulating the manipulator.

Understanding manipulators

Before we learn tactics to manipulate, it is important to understand the psychology of a manipulator. Manipulators often have a low self-esteem, which is why they use such tactics, to compensate for their insecurities. By controlling others they get a sense of power and validation. They may even have a fear of abandonment which adds onto their controlling and clingy behaviour or they may have a touch of narcissism in them which leads them to believe that they are superior and are entitled to get what they desire. Knowing these traits can help you counter their behaviour.

Tactics to manipulate the manipulator

1. Ignoring the Manipulator

A powerful strategy when dealing with a manipulator is to practise selective disengagement. By not reacting to their manipulative behaviour, you effectively take away the fuel that powers their tactics, and in time take away their power to manipulate you. For instance, if your partner gives you the silent treatment to manipulate you, you can choose to disengage and focus on self-care or other activities, showing them that their behaviour does not affect your emotional state.

2. Not Showing Emotions

Emotional restraint is key in managing a manipulator. By maintaining emotional composure, you remove their ability to evoke strong emotions in you which is their goal, to break you. If emotions are not shown their tactics won’t work. For example, if your manipulative partner tries to provoke you with a guilt-tripping statement, you can respond calmly without showing anger or guilt, showing that their attempt does not sway your emotions.

3. Assertiveness

Assertive communication is a valuable tool when dealing with a manipulator. Clearly and confidently express your boundaries and needs. When you establish and assert your limits, it sends a message that manipulative tactics will not alter your stance.

4. Using Logic

Manipulators often rely on emotional tactics to gain control. Counter their strategies by employing logic and reason in your responses. When you emphasise facts and logical reasoning, you disrupt their ability to manipulate your emotions. If your manipulator uses emotional appeals to change your opinion, respond by presenting a logical argument based on facts.

5. Question Their Claims

It’s essential to challenge the assertions of a manipulator. Whenever they make unfounded claims or accusations, ask for evidence or clarification. This approach forces them to justify their behaviour and tactics, creating an opportunity for open communication.

6. Play Along

Occasionally, it can be strategic to engage with a manipulator’s tactics to make them believe they are gaining ground. This can temporarily disarm them and allow you to gather information or assess the situation. For example, if your manipulator attempts to guilt-trip you into making a decision, you might agree to their request while keeping your long-term goals in mind but don’t act on it and keep making excuses to avoid doing what they want, this may frustrate them enough for them to either give up or give in.

7. Use Their Tactics Against Them

An advanced strategy involves mirroring the manipulator’s tactics to make them aware of how it feels. This technique can be powerful but should be used judiciously. If your partner employs the silent treatment, you can respond with silence as well, demonstrating the impact of their behaviour on communication.

Conclusion

Handling a manipulative relationship can be a challenging and difficult task, yet it’s important to recognise that you hold the power to create change and it is not impossible. By understanding the signs and psychology of a manipulator, you can reclaim control over your life. Healthy relationships are predicated on mutual love, respect, and trust and manipulation is not a healthy way to maintain a relationship. If your partner shows such signs and isn’t willing to change, it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship and to ask yourself if it’s worth it, or if willing you and your partner could seek professional help to fix that communication gap in the relationship.

Always remember, your emotional well-being is of great importance and addressing manipulation is a step in the right direction toward achieving a healthier, more balanced relationship.